2011 Round-Up

I do these every year.

Mostly real-life hannah, but writer hannah makes her appearances too.

1. What did you do in 2011 that you'd never done before?

Had two books come out in one year. Started dating a girl. Went abroad with my family. Starred--twice--in the Rocky Horror Picture Show. Wrote one, solitary book.

2. Did you keep your New Years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

I kept almost all of them. I'll probably make some more.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

Yes.

4. Did anyone close to you die?

No.

5. What countries did you visit?

Just Spain.

6. What would you like to have in 2012 that you lacked in 2011?

Serenity.

7. What dates from 2011 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

April 19th, 2011--Invincible Summer!

December 20th, 2011--Zombie Tag. And that other thing. She's going to come up a lot.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

Selling magicgayfish was really, really amazing, as was Teen Author Carnival and doing a panel next to David Levithan, oh my God.

9. What was your biggest failure?

Not writing.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

There was the exciting head-over-heels-down-some-stairs adventure that left me with a sprained ankle and a shitton of scrapes, and I had the flu in the spring. And then I tested positive for Lyme, despite having been tested and treated and cured four years ago, so I had to do a round of antibiotics which made me sick, and hell if I even know what's up anymore. I'm finally on meds for the arthritis and they're helping a ton. THIS IS BORING, I'M SORRY, I DON'T MAKE THE QUESTIONS.

11. What was the best thing you bought?

No contest.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?

My magic gay fish, of course.

14. Where did most of your money go?

Clothes, as always.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?

Turning 20. Invincible Summer. Each semester to be over. Holidays, always. Rocky shows. The deal for Fishboy.

16. What song will always remind you of 2011?

"Carry on Wayward Son" by Kansas, because...yeah.

17. Compared to this time last year, you are:

Happier?

God, yeah.

Richer?

Yep.

Thinner?

noooo

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?

Reading, like always. Sleeping. Being calm.

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?

Same as last year: "Freaking the fuck out."

20. How will you be spending Christmas?

At home with my family, and I can't fucking wait.

22. Did you fall in love in 2011?

Ask me in a few months.

24. What was your favorite TV program?

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA come on. You know me.

(Supernatural.)

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?

No.

26. What was the best book you read?

SO GLAD YOU ASKED. There are six I read for the first time that I absolutely HAVE to mention.

BROOKLYN, BURNING by Steve Brezenoff
CLEAN by Amy Reed
JELLICOE ROAD by Melina Marchetta
THE PIPER'S SON by Melina Marchetta
STOLEN by Lucy Christopher
THE GHOSTS OF ASHBURY HIGH by Jaclyn Moriarity

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?

Frightened Rabbit.

30. What was your favorite film of this year?

I saw Easy A for the first time on New Year's Eve last year and loved it, so let's count that.

31. What did you do on your birthday. And how old were you?

Twenty. We went out for fondue like we have for my last five birthdays. It was fantastic.

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

Not being in school.

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2011?

Cozy.

34. What kept you sane?

Twitter, Rocky Horror, Supernatural, the Musers, my mom.

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

He's surprised by the question.

36. What political issue stirred you the most?

Same as last year, DADT.

37. Whom did you miss?

Everything and all the things all the time. But it's going to be okay.

"I Write Children's Books" OR How I Learned to Stop Fighting and Love the Stigma

In Fall 2009, I started college at a certain Ivy League school that shall not be named. All that I will say is that I didn't have a good time there. And that it's a color.

For the semester I was there, I was enrolled as a "Literary Arts" major. I never really found out what Literary Arts is. I think it's a more pretentious version of an English major, but I'm not sure.

I was in a class called "Literature of Children and Young Adults." On the first day, our teacher had us go around and say why we were interested in children's books, specifically young adult books. When it got to me, I told them--"My first YA book came out in 2009. My next one is 2011."

I pretty naively expected to be congratulated.

What I got was an A on my first paper followed by a paragraph that had nothing to do with my paper and everything to do with the way I introduced myself the first day. Saying I was published was unprompted self-congratulation that set me up as a precocious kid with an attitude problem. And, my professor continued, the A on the paper should not be taken as a sign that my writing didn't need a lot, a LOT of work. I was young and naive and full of myself. I was all bark and no bite.

Later, when I asked the kids in my class what they were working on, one of them mentioned that children's books were just practice for him, and--by the way--he was so glad he wasn't planning on perusing publication for years to come, because good GOD he would be so embarassed to have anything less than his very best life's work out in the world.

I don't think I have to tell you guys how hard it is to have any self-confidence at all in this business. From the outside, it's probably very easy to see published authors as self-satisfied assholes who refuse any more growth. From the inside, I haven't seen anyone who fits this stereotype. Not to say some don't, but I think this is far, far from the norm.

We're still scared. We're still searching. We're still learning and editing and crying into our pillows. I don't have to tell you guys this. You know.

They didn't. I was surrounded by people trying to knock me down a peg, except I had nothing underneath me when they did.

I stopped going out. I couldn't write.

I went home.

That professor and those students were not the reasons I left Brown.

They didn't help.

(Oops, look at that. Said the name.)

I transferred to the University of Maryland, I started out as a Theatre major just to try to get away from the drama (ha ha ha) and the baggage. It worked, but it turned out I was a really shitty Theatre major. I started my sophomore year a month and a half ago, as an English major.

I was fucking terrified.

My plan was not to tell anyone I was published. No one. Lips zipped. It was going to be my complete and absolute secret.

And then the first day of Introduction to Creative Writing, my teacher has us go around and say what we write.

Everyone else in the class writes poetry, short fiction, doesn't write anything but wants to start. A girl is working on a sci-fi novel. Besides that, no longer works.

He gets to me, and I say, "I write children's books."

I don't think I'd ever said this sentence out loud before. I hadn't been intentionally avoiding it, but this was the first time I'd spoken about what I write since Zombie Tag sold in June. Before that, I wrote young adult books. Now I write children's books.

And then my teacher said, "Are you published?"

Well, fuck.

What was I supposed to say to that?

So I said yes and he acted impressed and I said to the class, "I'm normal. I swear. I'm normal."

And my professor said, "Don't worry. I'm sure you're not here to show off."

And that sentence cracked my whole world open and filled it with sunshine.

The moral of this story is that I would have to be beaten heavily with a stick before I'd take another children's book class.

I love being an English major. I am absolutely crazy about 20th century American Lit and literary criticism and a million other aspects of this world. I'm considering doing a second major in English Education so I'll be certified to teach those English classes down there, like, ferrealsies. Surprising no one here, I love books. I love learning about books and learning about writing.

I like that I am branded as a children's book writer.

There is still a ton of stigma around writing children's books as opposed to "real books." This is another thing you guys don't need me to tell you. But it's working for my advantage now, and I love it.

It feels a little like playing a game, because I'm pretending to check the children's books at the door. And it probably looks that way. They probably think I'm holding everything I'm learning in a separate vessel for the day I grow up and decide to write a Real Book. People see my writing as this slightly hacky side career I do while I'm not at school learning about Real Writing.

They have no idea I'm stealing all the Real Writing techniques and bending them and shaping them and hacking them into pieces and smushing them together and simplifying them and extrapolating them and plugging them into my zombie book.

They don't need to know. I'm not cheating. I'm learning. I'm enjoying myself. And I got to do it through being honest. And since I'm in classes for "real" writing, not children's writing, no one sees me as the girl who's there to show off. I'm the girl with the job on the side who's learning something totally new.

I have friends now.

It feels like I'm winning this game.

I can deal with being a hack.

Trust

(here's that post I teased you with.)

Not to brag, but I conduct myself differently from a lot of other writers, which is something you might have noticed and might find a little confusing. I'm open about a lot of things other blogging writers might sweep under the rug. I have a lot of sass and attitude and a lot of other attributes some people might not find attractive, but so does everybody. I'm just loud about mine.

I didn't do this by accident. When I started this blog, I knew exactly one thing: I wanted to be an example of a writer who was a fucking human being, because, let's be honest, a lot of writers scare the shit out of me.

Have you noticed that the only thing that seems to divide published writers online and unpublished ones is that the published ones always seem all together and shit? They never worry about revisions or going on submission or what agent is taking what queries. They're all lying in the sunshine drinking margaritas, and it's like they were never the writers down in the trenches, pounding through those first drafts and fielding rejections and stalking agents online. And that isn't a part of me that I want to hide or forget.

So I wanted to do things differently, and I trusted that people would like it.

And not one single person has ever told me, "hannah, stop with the fucking cursing and clean up your act and maybe act like a professional."

So I feel trusted, too. You guys, reading this, and my family, hopefully not reading this, and my agent and my editor, knowing exactly what I'm like and letting me talk to humans anyway, trust me.

And yet I'm still getting emails from people asking me how they can be sure agents aren't going to steal their ideas. And there are writers out there--published writers--afraid to share a few sentences of their books online because they're worried they'll be scolded.

I know that I'm not the most careful of people, but I am not stupid. This career means more to me than just about anything that isn't related to me or covered in fur. I'm not going to put it in jeopardy just to be edgy. But I trust myself to not go to far and I trust the powers that be not to overreact. And I think that's pretty reasonable, because, in a lot of ways, this is an industry that revolves around trust.

Your advance is based on the amount of copies your editor trusts your book to sell. Your print run is based on the amount of copies all the book stores trust you beautiful readers out there to read. My last two agents and I worked on a handshake (a virtual one), not a contract.

When you pick up a book, you trust the author to give you characters you love. You trust the awesome book bloggers out there to tell you what's good. You trust the author to write a satisfying ending. (er, sorry, guys.)

If we stop trusting each other, this industry falls apart.

And that's why it boggles my little mind that writers can be the least trusting people on the planet.

GUYS. All it takes is a few google searches and a few friendships with other authors to figure out who's going to try to screw you. The scams exist, but they are NOT well-kept secrets. And no one else wants to see you get hurt. Trust us. We're going to take care of you.

And if you don't trust me, and you don't trust the other writers who probably aren't writing impassioned fucking pleas like this on their blogs, I want you to trust one thing.

IT'S GOING TO BE OKAY.

Publishing also revolves around this statement. Stuff can be fucked up, queries can be awful, manuscripts can be late, but EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OKAY.

I promise.

And here is an example. P.S., this is the real reason this post is coming right now.

On Wednesday, I moved into my new house. It was a huge crazy step for me--a real house without my parents, close to the college I'm transferring to, starting to live like an adult, all that shit.

On Thursday morning, I got an email from my agent, Brendan, asking if we could chat.

He calls and tells me he's taking an editorial position, so he won't be my agent anymore. He sounds so apologetic on the phone that I'd almost believe someone's forcing him to switch jobs. He tells me who my new agent's going to be, and that he still wants to be in touch with me, and I congratulate him and try to make my voice sunny and bright and then hang up the phone and cry all day.

In case you missed agent appreciation day, Brendan was, without a doubt, the best thing to ever happen to my career.

So I felt crushed and awful, and if any of you had come up to me and been like HANNAH EVERYTHING'S GOING TO BE OKAY I would have spit at you.

And then on Monday, my new agent emails me and tells me she's read all my books and she loves them, and this is going to be awesome.

And yesterday she emails me with more examples of her awesome.

And all of a sudden my world has rainbows again.

I'm going to miss Brendan like crazy, but goddamn, he's going to make a lot of authors (and hopefully me someday?) very happy with his mad editing skillz. And guys...my new agent is really, really awesome. And she's prettier than Brendan.

So this post is really to tell you that I'm now repped by Suzie Townsend.

And that everything really is going to be okay.

I'm a Little Late, But...

End of the year wrap-up survey, just in case people want more HANNAH MOSKOWITZ THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD stuff and less HANNAH MOSKOWITZ THE WRITER STUFF. But there will still be writing stuff in here. Promise.

1. What did you do in 2009 that you'd never done before?

Saw my book on bookshelves. Went to college. Got within a few feet of a lamb. Did a long-distance relationship. Moved away from home. Made a life-changing decision to change colleges. Learned how to comfort myself, by myself. Discovered some fantastic music. (I hate the word "discovered" when it comes to music. It's not like I unearthed this shit.) Got an agent who I don't know how I lived without. Sold two more books. Wrote my first adult book. Wrote three YA books.

2. Did you keep your New Years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

I don't think I had any for 2009. I made a few for 2010 that I hope to keep.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

Not very close.

4. Did anyone close to you die?

No. But my grandfather died somewhere between New Years Day, 2008, and the day after, so New Years always makes me think of him.

5. What countries did you visit?

England for a week, but that's it...and the Bahamas, but come on.

6. What would you like to have in 2010 that you lacked in 2009?

A fulfilling college experience. An adult life. My own cats. My boyfriend closer to me. Uh...moar book deals?

7. What dates from 2009 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
August 25th. BREAK's release :)

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

BREAK's release. Selling two more books (have you heard these things enough already?) Being proactive when college sucked. Finding an agent who worked better for me.

9. What was your biggest failure?

College, college, college.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

Nope, not even swine flu. And I didn't even sprain my ankle in 2009, which might be my first year ever not doing it. Maybe Jonah and Jesse suffered enough illness and injury in my stead?

11. What was the best thing you bought?

My netbook is pretty fabulous. And my house, but that's renting (please, I can't buy a house.)

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?

My best friend Emma, for a year's anniversary of being incredibly strong.

14. Where did most of your money go?

Clothes. Food. Handbags...extremely lucky for me, my parents pay for college.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?

BookdealsandBREAKrelease. Oh, and seeing RENT with Grace was incredible. All three times.

16. What song will always remind you of 2009?

When My Boy Walks Down the Street by The Magnetic Fields.

17. Compared to this time last year, you are:
Happier?

Oh, a million times happier.

Richer?

Indeed!

Thinner?

Indeed!

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?

READING. I did not read nearly enough in 2009. Huge problem. My goal is 50 books in 2009, which I know is NOT a lot for some of you, but it'll be so much better than I did in 2009.

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?

College...

20. How will you be spending Christmas?

Christmas is done, saun. But I spent it at home, with my family and the boyfriend, then seeing Sherlock Holmes.

22. Did you fall in love in 2009?

I think that yes, I did.

24. What was your favorite TV program?

Queer as Folk. heh.

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?

Nah, I don't have time for that shit.

26. What was the best book you read?

Oooh. Like I said, I didn't read nearly enough. But definitely WILL GRAYSON, WILL GRAYSON by David Levithan and John Green. Incredible.

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?

Getting heavy into Margot and the Nuclear So and So's, definitely.

30. What was your favorite film of this year?

Fantastic Mr. Fox, definitely.

31. What did you do on your birthday. And how old were you?

I'm eighteen. And for my birthday my friends and I went out for Fondue, like every year. We played SAY ANYTHING and ran around with a bubble wand, as well. And we watched RENT, and we measured our lives in love, etc.

32.What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

Christopher not going away.

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2009?

Laziness. I used to spend a shitload of time on clothes, and now I'm very lazy. But I did start wearing heels, though not on a regular basis.

34. What kept you sane?

The Musers.

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

Mmm. Huh. I really don't know.

36. What political issue stirred you the most?

Gay marriage in D.C.

37. Whom did you miss?

The stupid boyfriend in Ohio.

Oh Dear God Education

So I'm leaving for college on Thursday. This means I'm paaacking and paaaacking and marathoning America's Next Top Model (because I mean obviously this is really important).

So. Expect sporadic (or no) blogging until this weekend. I hope you all are having a lovely lovely week.